Week 2; The Taboo of Sex

Sex. A little word of three letters with a heck of a lot of excitement around it. And rightfully so. For one, it feels good. For another, it helps you develop powerful emotional bonds with your partner. Not to mention the fact that sex is vital to the survival of our species; without it, the human species would literally cease to exist. All in all, sex sounds like a pretty great topic to discuss.

So why is it such a taboo subject matter?

It’s a question that I’ve often pondered upon. Growing up, I was exposed to two very different cultures; one that openly discussed sex and one that shied away from the subject, oftentimes with a wince of disgust or embarrassment. The latter culture made me question the very concept of sex when I was younger. If it was a subject that people were hesitant to discuss and even avoided talking about, is it a bad thing, then?

Admittedly, like all things in the world, there is a dark side to sex. Issues concerning sexually transmitted diseases, rape, sexual abuse, unwanted pregnancies, manipulations, and other malicious acts involving sex are much too wide in scope for me to discuss here, and requires delicate and sensitive handling I regrettably feel I am not capable of.

But what I’ve come to realize as I’ve grown older (and hopefully, but doubtfully, wiser) was that not everything about sex is bad. It really is just one of the many aspects of living; there are great things about it, and there are not-so-great things about it. Most of all, it’s just plain normal. In fact, sex is a lot like driving a car. Almost everyone does it, though there are some people who don’t do it, haven’t done it yet, or no longer do it. You start doing it at a certain age; some earlier than others, and some later. There are illegal activities involved with it, like street-racing and prostitution. And there are serious consequences that can happen if you don’t do it safely, like putting on a condom or putting on your seatbelt. Some choose to get a certain official document before they start doing it (i.e. a marriage license, or a driver’s license). Some don’t really care and just do it anyway. Some people are good at it, while some can be better. Some do it more often. Some don’t enjoy it as much. Both things are a horrible mix with alcohol. Both things shouldn’t be done while you’re texting. Both things can be a lot of fun. (In fact, I think most people would agree that sex is way more fun).

So as I realized how normal sex really is, it puzzled me even more that it remains to this modern time a very hush-hush subject in the majority of our country. As I noticed my classmates in our second week of Sexual Behavior class flinching, making appalled or scandalized faces, nervously giggling, or making comments of disgust or wonderment like they’ve just learned something new, I found myself wondering what sex ever did to earn such a bad reputation. Why was sex such a taboo subject? Seeing as it’s such a normal thing, why doesn’t everyone freely discuss it? Why should people feel embarrassed, shy, or even repulsed by it? In short, what the heck is so bad about sex?

And that was when I realized it. (I’m coming to a lot of realizations in this post, it seems). Sex is a sensitive subject not because it’s bad. But because it is private. Personal. Admittedly, some people have more open personalities and don’t mind sharing details of their sexual lives to others. But that’s a relative minority in our country. For most, sex is a very personal matter, not to be shared or discussed with just anyone. And that is an attitude I can totally understand and respect.

I then frown at how unfortunate it is that this public attitude and its consequence of reluctance to discuss sex has produced young generations who aren’t properly guided about sex and all of its aspects. A parent’s uneasiness with discussing sex with their children or an education system’s view that sex is an inappropriate subject to expose children to can lead the children to turn to other sources of often unreliable information to learn about sex; their peers or the internet. Without proper guidance from adult figures, the younger generations are vulnerable to irresponsible or dangerous sexual behaviors that may cost them dearly.

And at the opposite end of this spectrum, lies the bunch who didn’t look too much for information and have very limited knowledge of sex and all the things that go with it, including their genital areas. This group consists mostly of females, and they are sadly missing out. Because as Bu Tasya put it, “perempuan jarang…mengeksplorasi daerah genital [mereka]. Ada banyak yang ngga suka, ya [merasa] tabu, ngga suka utak-atik. Akhirnya ngga kenal [dengan area genital]. Harusnya kenal. Kalian harus tahu di mana letak sensitif [kalian].” Aside from the obvious enjoyment it will give you, I believe that getting acquainted with your private parts, and your body in general, for that matter, is quite important. Knowing the difference between what is normal and not normal for your body can very well save your life. Knowing that a lump shouldn’t be there, or that a certain area shouldn’t be hurting can lead to early diagnosis and much more positive prognosis. It’s sad to me that most young females are kept away from this sensibility.  

Of course, I’m not implying that either is the case with every single child, adolescent, or young adult in our country. I’ve met peers or juniors who held well-rounded, reasonable views and knowledge of sex. So maybe not all hope is lost. Maybe sex is also one of those things that you learn more about and become more comfortable with as you grow up and mature. Like getting a job or how to change your car’s tire. Maybe more and more people will become more comfortable with discussions of sex.

Maybe in our country’s not-so-distant future, sex won’t be a taboo subject anymore.