A friend once asked me, “sebenernya orang gay itu bisa disembuhin
ngga?”
I had initially responded with a hurricane of defending arguments; why
should we ‘cure’ homosexuality in the first place? As if it’s an unwanted disease
that needs to be rid of quickly? Homosexuality isn’t something ‘wrong’; it’s
just another alternative on the sexual orientation column. Sexual orientation
is like flavor preference; some people like chocolate, while others like
vanilla. If you liked vanilla, would you say that someone who likes chocolate
is ‘wrong’, and that they need to be cured? We should just leave the homosexually-oriented
be and we shouldn’t try to ‘cure’ them.
This happened to me about a year ago, and since then I never really gave
the occurrence much thought. But during our third Sexual Behavior class, in
which we discussed sexual orientation and consequently homosexuality, I was
reminded of my friend’s question, and my own answer to it. And I realized that
my opinion has changed.
Though the attitude towards homosexuality is relatively warmer and
more accepting compared to previous times, in many parts of the world
homosexuality is still viewed as a sin. This is, evidently, still the dominant
opinion in our country, in which homosexuality is at the very least seen as a
negative abnormality, if not as extreme as a sin. The general attitude towards
homosexuality that I’ve personally witnessed amongst my peers is one of
disgust.
Yet the fact of the matter is, there is now an increase in the number
of people who are homosexually-oriented. Or perhaps, there isn’t an increase in
the number of occurrence, but rather an increase in the number of homosexuals
who now openly admit or express their sexual orientation. Maybe you even know
someone who is openly gay or a lesbian, or perhaps you suspect someone is ‘in
the closet’ (ie. hiding their homosexuality), or even unaware of or unaccepting
of their homosexuality.
So what should we do with those who tick the ‘homosexual’ box in the
sexual orientation column? Should we ‘cure’ them of their homosexuality and
turn them into ‘normal’ heterosexuals? Should we ostracize them from our family
and social circles? Should we leave them alone?
How about we support them? Support their views and attitudes. Support
them through whatever hardships they’re going through. And by ‘supporting people
who are homosexually-oriented’ I don’t mean we should go around waving banners
and yelling ‘SUPPORT THE GAYS! LOVE THE LESBIANS!” around the city (one because
it’s obnoxious, and two because you’d probably get beaten up by the more ‘traditional-minded’
citizens). I mean that we should approach any homosexual person as an
individual and ask them how they personally feel about being gay or a lesbian.
A portion of homosexuals, especially those who live in more
open-minded cultures, are open and proud of their sexual orientation. They are
happy with who they are, and wouldn’t have it any other way. Another portion
are scared and ashamed of being attracted to their own gender, but don’t feel
like they can change who they love, and are scared of people rejecting them for
who they are. Another portion are
mortified of being homosexually-oriented, feel extremely uncomfortable with
their sexual orientation, and want to ‘cure’ themselves of it.
With these differing personal attitudes homosexuals have about their
own sexual orientation, I realized that I was mistaken in my initial stand, and
that clearly it wouldn’t be wise to advocate one singular act as a way to ‘deal’ with all of them. We can’t just
‘leave everyone alone’ or ‘try to cure everyone’. We can’t tell those who are
happy with who they are to change. On the other hand, we can’t force someone
who is deeply unhappy with themselves to just
forget about it; love who you are and just be happy.
Each individual is unique, with their own set of values, beliefs,
opinions, and attitudes. I believe it is best that we approach anyone who is
homosexually-oriented with the question; how do you feel about being gay? If
they tell you they feel great! It’s awesome! They’ve totally embraced it, and
are just fine with who they are, then the best you can do is to support them in
their pride. Support them in their happiness. Smile along with them.
If they tell you they are terrified of people rejecting them when they
find out the truth about their sexual orientation, let them know that you won’t abandon them. Give them the
courage they need to embrace who they really are; help them fight their fears. Let
them know that you accept and love them for who they are, and that they’ll have
your support through times of fear and uncertainty.
If they tell you that they are deeply ashamed of being a homosexual,
are deeply unhappy and wish to change their sexual orientation, help them
through whatever process of change they need to undergo in order to be happy
and love themselves. The truth is, not all who are homosexually-oriented want
to be. Some homosexuals feel profoundly distressed over their sexual
orientation, and do not feel that they will ever be happy as a homosexual. When
meeting those with this attitude, we can’t simply tell them to “accept who you
are” or “be proud of who you are” or “don’t try to change". Because who
they are might be killing them from the inside. Whatever reasons they may have to
cause despair over being homosexually-oriented, it is only right that we
support whatever decision they make in order to find their happiness. If that
decision is to seek help to change their sexual-orientation and ‘cure’ their
homosexuality, then who are we to stop them and tell them to “let it be”?
Because at the end of the day, who are you to get in the way of anyone’s happiness, regardless of their
sexual-orientation? I believe that if you truly love and care for someone, you
would fight for their happiness and well-being, and support and help them as
best as you can in their search for and attainment of happiness, whatever
decisions and path they may choose. Because their path may be a frightening
one. And they’ll need you to walk alongside them.
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